From Our Foreign Desk
In a move financial historians are already calling “either the boldest monetary innovation since the gold standard or the weirdest episode of The Apprentice yet,” U.S. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent announced Monday that the Bureau of Engraving and Printing has begun preparations for a new $250 denomination featuring President Donald J. Trump’s face.
“Yes, we’re doing it,” Bessent told reporters. “We’re going to make our money great again. The $100 bill was fine for George Washington, but let’s be honest — the man never filed for Chapter 11 six times. President Trump has.”
Under current U.S. law, no living person may appear on currency, a tradition meant to prevent exactly this sort of thing. However, legislation introduced last year would carve out a special exception for “current and former presidents who have been really, really successful and own lots of properties.” The bill, dubbed the “Presidential Currency Recognition and Fairness Act,” is expected to pass the House on a party-line vote sometime between now and whenever Speaker Johnson can find enough votes that don’t require reading the text.
Sources close to the White House say Trump personally approved the design concepts, which reportedly include him giving a subtle thumbs-up while wearing a red tie the exact color of a 2024 campaign hat. Early mock-ups obtained by satirical outlets show the phrase “In God We Trust (But Also Me)” in elegant script across the top.
Economists reacted with the sort of restrained panic usually reserved for cryptocurrency tweets.
“This is highly irregular,” said Dr. Emily Park, professor of monetary policy at Georgetown. “We already have enough trouble explaining inflation to people. Now we’re going to have to explain why Benjamin Franklin is being replaced by a man who once tried to sell them steaks and Trump University.”
Market Reactions
Gold prices jumped 4% within minutes of the announcement.
Meme coin $TRUMP250 experienced “extreme volatility,” which in crypto terms means it both 10x’d and crashed to zero in the same hour.
The U.S. Dollar Index fell slightly, as traders reportedly whispered, “He’s going to put his face on it and tariff it, isn’t he?”
Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer issued a statement calling the proposal “an authoritarian vanity project,” before quietly asking aides if there was still time to get FDR on the $500 bill “for balance.”
Meanwhile, Trump took to Truth Social to celebrate:
“THEY SAID IT COULDN’T BE DONE! FAKE NEWS said no living President on money. Now we’re printing the most TREMENDOUS $250 bills you’ve ever seen. Much better than those sleepy $100s with the boring old guys. People are saying it’s the best looking currency in the world. Many people. The Chinese are very jealous. MAKE AMERICA WEALTHY AGAIN!”
Treasury officials confirmed the new bills will feature enhanced security features, including a watermark that says “You’re Fired” when held up to the light, and a hologram of Trump’s hair that appears to move when tilted (engineers are still working on that one).
At press time, lawmakers were still debating whether to put the bills into circulation or simply sell limited-edition collector sheets directly from Mar-a-Lago for $1,000 each with a signed certificate of authenticity.