By Geetha VP
Ah, Kerala – God’s Own Country, where the backwaters are serene, the literacy rate is sky-high, and the voters? Well, they’re perpetually trapped in a tragicomic love triangle with the UDF and LDF. It’s like being forced to choose between two exes who keep promising they’ll change, but deep down, you know they’ll just recycle the same old drama. Disgusted? Absolutely. But what’s the alternative? Enter the BJP, stage right, tripping over their own feet with statements so hilariously out of touch, they make you wonder if their scriptwriters are moonlighting from a bad sitcom.
Picture this: The average Kerala voter, armed with a degree or two (because, let’s face it, we’re the most educated bunch in India), staring at the ballot box like it’s a menu at a dodgy restaurant. Option A: UDF, the familiar face that’s been ghosting development promises since forever. Option B: LDF, the overbearing type that loves a good strike but forgets about actual governance. And Option C? The BJP, which seems hell-bent on proving that “saffron surge”, is just a code for “self-sabotage spectacular.”
Take Rajeev Chandrasekhar, the BJP’s state president and former Union Minister – a man who’s supposedly tech-savvy and educated, yet somehow managed to bungle basic social statistics like a kid confusing multiplication with magic tricks. In a recent speech at the Kerala Development Summit, he boldly declared that Kerala’s enviably low Infant Mortality Rate (IMR) – a global benchmark of healthcare excellence, clocking in at just 5 per 1,000 live births – isn’t something to brag about. Why? Because, according to him, it’s all thanks to “young people migrating abroad in large numbers,” leading to fewer babies being born in the first place. Wait, what? For the uninitiated (or those not schooled in Chandrasekhar’s alternate universe), IMR measures infant deaths per 1,000 live births, not the total number of cribs gathering dust. It’s like saying your team’s low score in a cricket match is because fewer players showed up – utterly missing the point that it’s about performance, not population!
Minister P. Rajeev (no relation, thankfully) summed it up best: He initially thought the video was AI-generated nonsense, only to realize it was the real deal from an “educated” leader. “How can someone with education make such irrelevant claims?” he quipped, echoing the shock of every Kerala school kid who learned this in Class 5. Chandrasekhar’s gaffe isn’t just ignorant; it’s comedy gold. Imagine explaining to international health experts: “Yeah, our low IMR? Total fluke – blame the Gulf jobs!” No wonder Kerala’s voters, with their sharp minds and sharper sarcasm, are rolling their eyes so hard they might need physiotherapy.
But wait, there’s more! Fresh off the Attukal Pongala festival – that glorious chaos where lakhs of devotees turn Thiruvananthapuram into a giant open-air kitchen – we have Mayor V.V. Rajesh, the BJP’s man at the helm of the capital corporation, defending what critics called a “shabby” waste disposal fiasco. Roads piled with bricks, garbage lingering like unwanted guests at a party, and cleanup dragging into the next day? No biggie, says Rajesh. He accused Education Minister V. Sivankutty of “political manoeuvring” and dismissed calls for a probe as mere “attempts to score political brownie points.” Sure, because nothing says “proactive governance” like blaming the opposition for noticing the mess you were supposed to clean. In previous years, the city sparkled by nightfall, but under BJP’s watch, it seems the trash took a leisurely vacation. Rajesh proudly touted deploying 3,000 workers and hauling 811 tonnes of waste, but hey, if the streets still stink, maybe it’s just “coordinated efforts” with the flies?
And let’s not forget the BJP’s greatest hits album of gaffes. Remember when their state chief (a different one back then) body-shamed Left women leaders, calling them “fat” from “looting people” and dubbing them “Puthanas” (female demons) at a women’s empowerment event? Because nothing empowers like a side of misogyny! Or the time their mouthpiece accidentally printed a Muslim League editorial, turning their paper into an unintended beacon of secularism? It’s like the BJP in Kerala is running a masterclass in “How to Alienate Voters 101” – free enrollment for anyone who thinks low IMR is a migration perk.
In this predicament, Kerala voters are like guests at a wedding with only bad options: Dance with the devils you know (UDF/LDF) or risk stepping on the BJP’s endless banana peels. Educated and discerning as we are, such blunders don’t just amuse – they alienate. If the BJP’s national leadership is serious about making an impression in Kerala (beyond memes), they might want to think aloud: Swap the idiocy for insight, or keep handing votes to the fronts on a silver platter. Until then, dear voters grab your popcorn – the show’s just getting started.