India : The festive season is supposed to be the celebratory month of homecoming and get-togethers. But for many previously married singles, it also becomes a month of comparisons and surprisingly intense, uncomfortable self-questioning. In a recent survey by India’s first matchmaking and matrimony platform for previously married singles, Rebounce, over 10,000 participants shared how festivals can turn private emotions into a public spectacle. The pressure grows higher and more complicated for people who have experienced marriage and the loss of it, not only from society but also from themselves. They are not just looking for someone; they are also deciding whether they want to keep a door open for love. Around 48% of respondents said they start doubting whether they actually are ready for love or simply want it because others have it too.
The app surveyed 10385 previously married singles between 28 and 45, from Tier 1, 2, and 3 cities. The study highlights three uncomfortable truths about second chances and festivities. Rebounce’s Founder and CEO, Ravi Mittal, commented, “We see a three-step realisation process among users during the festive seasons. First, they start asking themselves the hard truth about really wanting love or wanting to feel caught up with others. Second, they realise that just finding ‘someone’ won’t work for them because of their lived experiences and emotional clarity. Third and the final step is acknowledging that the most important thing is to figure out how they would feel about a connection once the festive competitiveness wears off.”
Fear of loneliness or feeling left behind?
The survey shows that there is a particular type of loneliness that creeps in not when there is no one around, but when you are surrounded by loved ones, with their loved ones. For almost 32% of divorced and widowed individuals between 30 and 40, it triggers a sense of unexpected comparison: it makes their single status more pronounced than ever. 6 in 10 respondents said that the festive season makes them feel extra “divorced” or extra “widowed,” and in general, it comes as evidence that their lives have stalled while everyone else is moving ahead. But the problem isn’t only with this feeling; the problem lies primarily in the urgency that this feeling brings with it: an urgency that neither existed before nor is necessary in the present.
Just ‘someone’ is not enough.
For first-time daters, looking for a perfect partner to settle down with, there are a lot of societal expectations in play. But for the second-chance seekers, there is clarity, lived experience, and their own expectations involved; they know what they want, and they know exactly what signs to never ignore again. Around 36% of women and 29% of men from Tier 1 and 2 cities explained that their past experience stops them from connecting with just ‘anyone.’ Even with the festive pressure, around 2324 respondents clarified that they would rather push through the “October loneliness” than lower their very meticulous and deliberately built standards. Arundhati, 35 year old lawyer from Delhi, said, “The desire for a partner is much stronger when I see all my peers around me with their own, being so loved. But that does not mean I can just suddenly forget all the filters I have in place since my divorce; they are there for a reason.”
What happens when the light comes down?
“Festivities end and so does the pressure. My real question is, will I still want to work it out with my match as intensely as I am right now?” asked Sameer (34). Interestingly, nearly 19% of survey participants said that the festive competitiveness for love has made many of them realize they need more time to consider remarriage. While 27% of users above 38 said that their desire for companionship was only heightened by watching their peers in love, and that it was neither merely situational nor would it expire with the end of festivities.
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