By Suresh Unnithan
The Indian National Congress in Kerala has perfected a new political art form: self-sabotage with an irksome smile. With the 2026 Assembly elections knocking at the door and a vivid anti-incumbency wave against the ruling LDF practically begging to be surfed, the grand old party has decided to ignore the ocean and start a civil war in the swimming pool instead. Why fight the enemy when you can fight each other for a measly seat? After all, in Congress Kerala, loyalty is not a principle; it is a negotiable asset, available on EMI.
Take the Kannur chapter, where senior leader and sitting MP K. Sudhakaran suddenly discovered that being an MP was like owning only one iPhone when you could have two. He went public with his burning desire to contest the Kannur Assembly seat, cheerfully trampling the high command’s polite “no sitting MP” rule. The party high command, that mythical creature which exists only in press releases, promptly issued a stern frown. Sudhakaran, after a dramatic 48-hour sulk that would make any Bollywood heroine proud, finally “agreed to abide” following a frantic intervention by veteran A.K. Antony. The public tantrum, however, had already done its job: it reminded every Congress worker that if even an MP can throw a public fit for a better chair, then why should the ordinary foot soldier pretend to have principles?
Meanwhile, the once-famous “A” and “I” groups – those grand old factions that at least pretended to have ideological differences – have officially dissolved into the “Me, Myself and I” groups. Now four or five heavyweight leaders – K.C. Venugopal, V.D. Satheesan, Ramesh Chennithala and their rotating co-stars – are locked in a Game of Thrones minus the dragons but with plenty of backstabbing. Candidate selection has become the new Kumbh Mela of bargaining. Every constituency is a bazaar where tickets are sold to the highest bidder in terms of loyalty to the local satrap, not to the party. The result? The second list of candidates is still “under deliberation” while the LDF has already started its victory procession.
The grassroots workers, those poor souls who actually believe in the party flag, are now sending resignation letters faster than WhatsApp forwards. In Kozhikode and Perumbavoor, sitting MLA Eldhose Kunnappilly has perfected the ultimate Congress art: the “independent threat.” Denied a ticket, he declared he might contest anyway – because nothing says “party unity” like running against your own party. It is the political equivalent of burning down your own house to protest the rent increase.
Political observers have a new theory: the real contest in Kerala is no longer UDF versus LDF. It is the “4-5 Leaders Tussle” versus common sense. These gentlemen are so busy deciding who gets to be the face of the party that they have forgotten the party itself needs a face – any face – before the campaign actually begins. While the LDF merrily points out the chaos, Congress leaders are busy issuing statements about “inner-party democracy” – a beautiful phrase that, in Kerala Congress dialect, translates to “I want my son/nephew/favourite follower to get the ticket or I will sulk till the counting day.”
The irony is thicker than a Kerala banana chip. The UDF is theoretically the strongest challenger in decades. Anti-incumbency is real. People are tired of LDF’s governance style. Yet the Congress high command’s greatest contribution to the 2026 elections will be proving that no external enemy can damage the party as efficiently as its own leaders. For power and position, these stalwarts are ready to ditch the party, delay the campaign, demoralise workers and indirectly gift victory to the Left. They are not fighting the opponent; they are the opponent’s best campaign managers.
In the end, Kerala’s Congress leaders have turned a simple truth into high comedy: when the ship is sinking, rats don’t just leave – they first negotiate which lifeboat has the better view. And while they haggle over deck chairs, the LDF is quietly sailing away with the trophy. Bravo, comrades of the Congress! You have finally achieved what no opposition could: making the Left look united. History will record 2026 not as the year Kerala voted for change, but as the year Congress leaders voted for their own egos – and the people, as usual, paid the bill.
